On Monday night at 7.30pm I was sitting on the sofa, halfway through blogging Mr Menezes, when on trying to stand up I realised that something in the lower region of my back had stopped co-operating with its close neighbours. I spent the next half hour bent over holding the coffee table, pissed off because I couldn’t get to the remote control to put Eastenders on at 8pm. In the event it didn’t matter, because by then I had managed to lever myself to the floor where I spent the next half hour until I remembered that I had some Ibuprofen gel and another epic journey to find that began.
I have since then spoken to NHS Direct and my GP though their phone surgery (what a great idea that is), and walked to and from the local pharmacy, with a journey time of approximately one and a half hours, and a speed of approximately a quarter of a mile per hour. It would seem I am suffering either from a slipped disk, or have ‘put my back out’ (great medical terminology there, courtesy of the NHS). I am a lot better now, but still fairly immobile. I have managed to set up my computer so I can sit in front of it without too much pain. My friend, The Queen of Cakes, and I, have been deciding via email what would be useful in such circumstances:
- a Stannah stairlift
- some handles in the loo
- a bath you can walk in and out of, with perhaps a non-slip bathmat
- some arm extensions
- a gadget that allows you to pull up your pants without bending over
There are also these great things for helping the elderly get out of the bath, it’s like a giant whoopee cushion that you sit on and as it inflates, it raises you in the bath. It conjures up images of Jonah riding aloft a breaching whale as it sounds in your bath but hey, it would be fun.
Thanks Pixl – have placed my online order. A snip at only $695 plus p & p. I am actually up and about today, but still intrigued by all of these gadgets for torpid people. And look what I found on a website today, after The Queen of Cakes told me they do indeed exist. It’s a device for helping you put your pants on! Although with the more humdrum name of dressing stick.
I hope things improve soon, but looking on the bright side, you missed Eastenders
Much sympathy on the back and putting out of…reminds me of a time I was bent double on a wicker chair in the kitchen for 3 hours. Husband dispatched to 24hour chemist for some sort of valium equivalent. I was left with unreachable and unchangeble TV showing snooker and clutching one of my children’s plastic cups in the event of being caught short. Luckily, for them at least, I wasn’t. If only I had known about the dressing stick my life would have been complete.
The incoherence pads are on their way. I’m told they stop one talking shit
thanks play it again. I don’t need pads to make me incoherent, though. I find a few bottles of wine and some intransigent views mean that I can be incoherent without any outside help.